Baby Steps
by Peachgcg
Summary: Its been months since Erin handed back her badge and no one has heard from her, suddenly she's back and has a story to tell. Post season 2 story.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

It felt like an eternity since she had walked up these stairs, sixteen weeks to be exact. Her thoughts began to wander through all the cases she had worked here, and the final moment she walked out that door.

"Erin… what…"

She looked up to see Sargent Platt behind the desk looking right at her with a blank expression, questions pouring through her eyes.

"Is Halstead here?"

"They are all out on a case… I can buzz you up if you want to wait?"

"Yeah… um… that'd be good."

She walked toward the gate, not looking back trying to keep the questions from coming. She heard the familiar buzzing sound and pushed through the gate and up the stairs momentarily pausing at the top taking in the sight of her old stomping grounds.

As if on auto-pilot she moved toward her desk… or her old desk as it appeared to be now. Files and photos were present, "guess they found a new girl…" she turned and her breath caught in her chest as she now stood right in front of his desk. Running her fingers along the edge she looked at the organized clutter of his desk almost tricking herself it believing nothing had changed.

Tears threatened to break from her eyes as she rested her hand on her middle, staring up at the ceiling trying to pull herself together. And then she heard that laugh that made her whole world snap into focus, shifting her coat she turned to see three of the team coming up the stairs.

"Erin…" Antonio moved quickly across the room toward her holding her arms quickly inspecting her to see if she was real. A smile spread across Atwater's face welcoming her back.

But He just stared blankly at her from the top of the stairs, a wave of panic and relief washing over his whole body. Shifting her focus solely to him she finally spoke after what seemed like hours "Can we have a minute?"

Without even saying a word he motioned to the back hallway leading her toward a private space, she followed careful to keep her coat pulled loosely around her. Walking a few steps behind him she could since the rising tension in his body, he pushed through the locker room door not pausing until he was in the furthest corner of the room hidden from anyone trying to listen in.

Turning toward her his face was like stone not cracking to show any emotion as he spoke "So where have you been?"

"I checked into a program" she said after a second of silence looking toward the ground.

"And you couldn't call or write to check in and let us know you weren't in a ditch somewhere…" he paused waiting to for her to look up and offer up an excuse "Your phone was shut off, your apartment empty and on the market, even Bunny didn't know where you were" distain dripping from his voice at the mention of her mother's name, letting her know just how worried they had been resorting to contacting the person who dragged her under trying to find a lead.

"I had to just go, if I had looked back or called someone I knew I couldn't have been able to do it."

Looking up she saw his eyes soften for just a second before clouding over again "So your back…finished the program?"

"Not yet, I got a day pass so I could… come back… to talk to you"

His emotions betrayed him as confusion spread across his face "Why me? Why now?"

She stood as she spoke turning while removing her oversized jacked and laying it over the locker room bench "Because you had the right to know…"

"Know what?" confusion and worry hitting him hard until she turned back toward him showing her new profile "You're Pregnant…"

"Found out a month after I handed over by badge, after freaking out for a full day I knew I needed to get help. Before I could let the darkness pull me under again or twist my mind I left… checked myself into a substance abuse program outside Chicago joined the grief group at the center… I … I knew I had to put the pieces back together, at least somewhat, before you would ever trust me again or at the very least believe me." It took all she had to not look away as she spoke, locking her eyes on his reading his emotions as best she could.

She saw a question forming on his lips, before he could ask "Nineteen weeks" she stated giving him the answer before he could form the words "I'm nineteen weeks along…" understanding flashed over his face and he finally let the tension fall from his shoulders for the first time since he came up the stairs. "So the night we…"

"Yup, who knew that night you would actually be saving my life" she tried to soften the situation some more but it caused him to look more hurt then before. "Sorry…"

"So… that's my kid in there?"

She nodded having prepared herself for having to answer this exact question multiple times. He kept his eyes locked on her swollen abdomen as the reality of the situation started to fully sink in. When his eyes finally connected again with hers the cold exterior was gone and she finally saw the Jay she remembered. They stayed there frozen in the moment snapping out of it only when Ruzek pushed through door did Jay drop his gaze

"Halstead we caught a lead, we gotta go"

"Be right there… look we have a case… here's my key, wait for me at my place… we have a lot to talk about" He pushed a single key into her palm and quickly left the room without another word.

She looked down into her hand at the silver key… "Well it's something" she closed her hand around the key putting on her coat as she slipped down the back stairs just before Voight came around the corner.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

After the longest week on record the case was finally closed and Intelligence was headed home for a much needed break. Jay drove slowly home letting himself finally think about the information he had learned just that afternoon. It was almost nine when he finally got to his apartment and quietly opened the door hoping she was actually there waiting for him.

"Hi" came a quiet voice from the chair in the corner, she looked so small and scared sitting in his living room "I was afraid something happened…" her voice caught in her throat.

"The case took a while to close… but we got him…" he realized she didn't know who 'he' was and it really didn't matter "I'm here now"

"So… we um… should probably talk"

"You're healthy? Baby too?" he wanted to talk about how they got here but needed facts first to calm his nerves.

"We are, the center actually has great prenatal care."

"Good, do you know yet?" his question seemed to catch her off guard a little "Oh… no. I… haven't found out yet," she looked down at her hands cutting off eye contact for the first time since he walked in the door "I wanted to make sure the little guy made it first and was healthy before I took that step… and…" she looked back up at him "I wanted you to know first before… before I knew another thing you didn't"

"So what happens now?"

She paused for a second placing her had on her swollen stomach "Look I don't expect anything from you, I made my choice to keep this baby and get clean to give him or her the best life possible. Better then then life Bunny gave me…" she saw the way his face flinched when she mentioned her own mother. "I'm here because you're the father and you deserve to know. What happens next is up to you, I have three more weeks before the program is over and you have some decisions to make during that time. I would love for you to be in this baby's life but I can't force you to be. I know I hurt you when I left the team and disappeared and I hope someday you will be able to understand why I did and forgive me, but until then I… I hope you can find it in your heart to be there for this child no matter what our relationship looks like."

"I'm not going to be an absent parent if that is what you mean"

"I didn't think you would be, but just like I got to choose I think you have the right to choose too, And if that means I tell everyone this child was the product of a one night stand I would to honor your choice." She shifted in her seat uncomfortably as she felt sudden pressure on her spine.

He responded to her movement, coming over and kneeling in front of her "I know we have a lot of talking to do and we are a long way from the people we were last winter, but I don't need to think or take time to know what I want here. I want to be a real father to this child the kind that is there every day, there for each smile and tear." His eyes twinkled and lit up as he thought of the baby he would one day hold and the family that would be all his. "I don't know what that looks like for us as a family yet but we have a whole lifetime to figure that out."

A real smile spread across her face for the first time that day warming his heart to see her almost resembling the Erin he used to know. "I like the sound of that"

"Can I ask a question without freaking you out?" her eyes got very wide at the what magnitude of his question could be "Why did you shut us completely out, I mean you sold your place, shut off your phone, Mouse even tracked your car to a sketchy storage lot?"

"I needed the money… to pay for rehab and I kind of spent most of my savings during my… sabbatical. And the center made me shut off my phone to help with cutting off the toxic parts of my life."

"And the car?"

"It was the cheapest place I could find, I loaded it up with some of my stuff before I left..." she paused for a second then glancing at the clock moving to her feet "shoot I have to go or I will miss my bus"

"Do you really have to go so soon?" he questioned, he felt like he had just gotten her back and now she was leaving just as suddenly.

"I only had a day pass, so I got a ticket on the last bus back tonight. Look… here is the information on the center you can call and chat with any of my doctors if you want. I get up to thirty minutes of phone time a week so if you leave a message I can call you back when you have time if not I get out on the tenth."

"What's your plan once you're out?"

"Find a cheap place I guess, get a job, and start building a life again… I don't know fully. I have three more weeks to get all that figured out but it helps to know this little guy has at least one solid parent to rely on." She shrugged as she grabbed her coat and bag.

"Two, you seem to be doing pretty great even if you don't see it yet."

Though her smile was small that she gave him it was real, spreading across her mouth and even showing in her eyes. "Thanks, I better go my cab should be downstairs any minute."

"Please let me drive you back…"

"No, I need to stand on my own right now. Show I can take care of myself."

"Fine but when you get out, I'm picking you up. The tenth right?"

"Right, thanks. And I'm sorry for everything." She pushed out the door before he could say another word.

Jay stood there in his living room feeling empty and yet so full at the same time. In one afternoon his whole world had flipped upside down, he was a father and Erin was alive and clean. Glancing around the room he started to think about what came next and realized how much needed to be done in the next three weeks.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Back at the center Erin felt herself fall back into her new normal routine, glad to have that conversation behind her she found herself looking forward to the tenth and not looking at the end of the fifteen week program like a dark pit of despair. In her final three weeks Erin tried as best as she could to make plans but with limited access to the outside world it proved to be a little difficult, she resigned herself to hoping she could find a cheap hotel and make fast progress on finding a place not to mention a job.

Before she knew it the morning of the tenth was there and she was in her final counseling session before she officially finished the program. "How do you feel about what lies outside those doors Erin?"

She slowly looked up from her bump considering both how to answer and how she actually felt about it all, she rose from her chair and moved toward the window "scared… I am terrified I will screw up this baby's life and end up right back here or worse."

"Erin, don't forget all the work you have done these past fifteen weeks to get here. You did the impossible, kicking a habit while putting another life ahead of yours. And to top it off risking your emotional stability to go see your ex to tell him about the baby. That was very brave."

She turned as the doctor said the word 'ex' wishing it wasn't the truth. "Thank you. I need to just accept the current situation and take it one step at a time, right?"

"Yes, that is all that can be asked of you now."

Erin gave a thin smile and looked back out the window.

"Erin, You have done the work rely on that and remember we are here for you at any time. I have set up an appointment for you with a friend of mine in the city. Continue to work through the steps and you will be just fine. Now go pack your bags and get out there to live your life."

After a few more exchanged words and a hug Erin left the office and returned to her room packing up the few belongings she had with her. She carried her two bags to the front door and signed out walking out the doors that had seemed so scary when she first went through them.

She took her first steps out into the parking lot and froze when she saw a familiar smiling face on the guy leaning against the car a few feet away from her.

"Hey stranger" he smirked as he stepped toward her grabbing her bags from her and moving back toward the car.

"You're really here?"

"I told you I would be here to pick you up, tenth at three on the dot."

"Thank you, I just… thank you."

The hour ride back into the city was quiet with only NPR to break the silence, normally Erin would of mocked Jay at his radio choice but today she liked the since of normalcy it brought to the ride. She could help but feel like nothing had changed if even for just a second.

They pulled into Chicago and she realized they were headed toward Jay's apartment, she started to speak but he cut her off "Were headed to my place, there is no way I'm letting my kid stay in a cheap motel even if he hasn't arrived yet."

She considered putting up a fight but could tell by the determination in his eyes that she would lose no matter how hard she fought. So she settled back into her seat and enjoyed the familiar views of the city she loved.

After another twenty minutes of driving they pulled up to the apartment and were headed up the three flights of stairs. Following him through the door to his place she stopped a few steps in the room taking in the space and how it felt so comfortable even after all these months. The last time she was here she was so scared that she could barely even sit comfortably let alone look around. He came out of the spare room joining her in the living room, he stood awkwardly far away from her trying to give her space. "Hungry?"

"Maybe a little…" her stomach chose that moment to growl at a level he could hear from across the room "…okay maybe a lot" he laughed and headed into the kitchen.

"What sounds good? I have stuff for pasta, tacos or stir-fry"

"Wait… you are going to cook?"

"Yeah, don't be so surprised you don't know everything about me yet."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

"Well you showed me that was the best stir-fry I ever had." She had eaten two servings and finally settled back into her chair full and satisfied. They had eaten and slipped into easy conversation he had to admit it that she seemed happy there in his presence.

A flash of pain slipped across her face just for a second and her hand moved to rub the side of her belly "chill dude" she muttered under her breath almost soft enough he didn't hear it. "Are you okay, is something wrong?" he jumped to his feet moving around the table quickly. A look of concern etched across his whole face,

"Oh… Yeah… it's good actually. Little guy discovered a love of kicking me right in the stomach this week especially right after I eat. Strong little guy, takes after his father for sure" he smiled at her last statement, calming down and sinking to her level.

"May I?" his hand lingered near her waiting for permission as he gauzed at her bump barely breathing.

Without even saying a word she took his hand and pressed it into the side of her stomach so he could feel the baby move, his eyes lit up when he felt the kick. After a few moments he locked eyes with her looking deep into her soul. With each movement he felt closer and closer to this child and its mother. He moved his other hand onto her belly wanting to feel each second of their child's restlessness.

She moved her hand on top of his, they stayed like that for what seemed like hours until she got a final kick to the stomach and the baby settled for a while. "Thank you… that was amazing, thanks Erin"

"Little guy is your baby too, only right you get to be a part of all of this." She moved to get up and Jay instantly moved to help her up from her chair.

"Still thank you, you go relax I will clean up dinner."

"You sure?" he nodded as he cleared plates from the table "I guess I am a little tired" she headed toward the spare room.

Jay thought through the evening as he washed the dishes and moved leftovers into containers for later. He was amazed how much had changed in three weeks and yet how it seemed to be the exact same. She laughed and chatted with him like old times, he missed having his friend in his life. Once the dished were done he went back to the living room expecting to see Erin on the couch watching the game but the room was empty.

He crossed the room to the spare bedroom and peaked in the cracked door. Erin was curled up on the bed asleep, she looked so peaceful in her tight leggings and scoop neck tee that encouraged his eyes to wander over her body finally resting on her baby bump. Her hand stroked her stomach in her sleep protecting the baby even in her unconscious state. He smiled and quietly moved to drape a blanket over her before switching off the light and closing the door.

He sat on the couch switching on the game lost in thought at all that they had coming up ahead of them not only in the next twenty weeks but the next eighteen years. He smiled dreaming of many more nights like this one, simple happy nights with a family he had dreamed of for so many years.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

The weekend had been better then he could have ever expected, Erin seemed stable and comfortable enough around him to let her guard down. They had spent Sunday watching baseball and bantering about his cooking skills, it felt very normal especially for two people with a past and interesting future. It almost felt like he was dreaming and would wake Monday to find out the last three weeks hadn't happened.

He had just dropped her off at the therapy center for her grief group and NA meeting before heading to work. Running through in his mind the conversation he knew he had to have with his Sargent today. Before he knew it he was at the district and it was time weather he was ready or not.

Jay slowly walked up the stairs into the bullpen lost in thought, it was still quiet at this time in the morning but after years he knew Voight would be there already preparing for the day. He slowly placed his jacket over the back of his chair trying to read the emotions of his boss, a fruitless endeavor as always so he just quietly moved to the door and gave a quick knock.

"Sarg, you got a second?"

Voight glanced up at him with a typical stone like expression on his face, "This better be important Halstead"

"It's about Erin" he croaked out over the lump in his throat. There was a flash of surprise and fear across his face and he shifted in his seat "Close the door, sit."

Jay quickly closed the door behind him and took a seat pausing not sure how to start, but Voight was less patient "Well… Halstead what is it. Where is she?"

"She's at a meeting…" he paused and then continued when Voight didn't say anything "I picked her up from the Rehab center on Saturday and she's crashing at my place for now."

Voight stayed quiet pondering his next question "so she reached out to you…"

Jay bit back a salty retort and simply responded "She did, a few weeks ago."

Hurt crossed Voight's face betraying his typical mask of his feelings "How is she?"

"Sir she's clean, she worked the program and is starting fresh. I think she would like to see you but she is scared. Things are… a little complicated and different now."

His eyes flashed fire and his voice raised in volume and intensity as he spoke "She is scared, does she not know what she put us all through… she was gone without a trace. We looked for her for weeks, searched every dive bar, even staked out Bunny's house after she sold hers." He rose from his chair as he finished a moved to stare out the window. "She put us through hell and didn't even have the decency to reach out and tell us she was okay." He choked on his last words.

"I know sir but there is something else… she's… well she's…" he was at a loss for words, trying to pick them carefully to avoid a fight.

"Out with it Halstead" Voight was starting to get annoyed and that was not what Jay wanted. He rose from his seat and moved over beside Voight at the window. When he continued he did so in a quieter tone to hopefully break the news better.

"Sir Erin is pregnant." Voight's face dropped but he didn't move his eyes from the view out the window "Sir… you already know we broke your rules but after Nadia we were both struggling and well… I need you to know sir I'm going to be there for her and my kid no matter what. I'm going to…"

Voight held up his hand cutting him off "But she's clean?"

He nodded "Fifteen weeks, she was in a program outside the city. That's why she sold her place to cover the cost."

Voight finally turned toward him "She should have come to me… I would have taken care of it. I could of supported her though this, been there to bring her home." Jay could see Voight blaming himself for not pushing to be in her life even when she was spiraling out of control.

"She needed to do it herself sir, show herself that she had it in herself to be a mother… I think she was also trying to put some pieces together before she faced you again Sir"

"Jay you're the father of her baby, you might want to get comfortable calling me Hank at some point"

"Sir?" Jay was confused at this sudden switch in his Sargent.

Voight smacked his lips and finally spoke after what he seemed to deem a ridiculous question. "I many not like that you broke my rules but whether I like it or not you two are in this parenting thing together now and that makes you family… so outside of work I'm Hank." Voight paused for a second and stared at Jay's shocked expression "Does she know you are telling me this?"

Jay dropped his head and shoved his hands into his pockets "No… but I wanted to get out in front of this and tell you, After searching for her with you I know better than to keep secrets from you especially when they concern Erin."

"Good" Voight paused for a second locking eyes with Jay "Well unless you have more let's get to work." Voight moved from his spot and opened the door giving Jay a firm pat on the back as he exited the office.

"Yes sir… Hank" Jay nodded Voight smiled at Jay's slip up and sudden verbal correction.

A smile crept across his face as he made his way back to his desk, a lot was still up in the air and he was sure Erin was going to have thoughts about the conversation that just happened but he knew it was the right thing to do. He smiled again thinking of how Hank just called him Family… life was sure changing.

 **Please review, this is my first story and I would love some feedback and thoughts on it thus far.**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

"Thank you all for coming today, remember for those looking for a sponsor please come up to the front to fill out your match forms and we will see you all next time." The rough looking gentleman at the front of the room brought the meeting to a close. The room slowly emptied as Erin moved toward the front.

"Hello James, I'm Erin." She held out her hand in greeting which James gladly accepted.

"Nice to meet you Erin, I was wondering who the new face in the back was. Maybe next time you will be comfortable enough to share with us."

"Yeah… I was just trying to get my bearings today." She noticed a friendly warmth in his eyes, more then she had seen in all the people she had met with so far today. "I just got out of Timberlane on Saturday and Dr. Casey recommended your meeting to me."

"Great program she has there huh, graduated from it myself six years ago," James reached for his clipboard and handed Erin some information "I am assuming you need to be matched with a sponsor."

"Yeah, I actually had one a long time ago but she… well she isn't available now."

James gave her an understanding smile and placed his hand on her shoulder "We can get you matched and make sure it's a good fit for you, any friend of Dr. Casey is a friend of mine. Take these forms and bring them back tomorrow, we can chat about sponsors and meeting times tomorrow after the meeting."

"Thanks James, I'll see you tomorrow." Erin turned and headed for the door, immediately noticing Jay lingering just outside in the hall. "Hey Jay, sorry I didn't know you were waiting"

Jay gave her a tight smile and shifted his weight back and forth as he spoke "yeah you looked deep in conversation so I figured I would just wait out here."

"Thanks, I was just getting information about getting a sponsor. Time to start taking the next steps." She couldn't help but notice how he glanced at the ground at the mention of her getting a sponsor.

Jay cleared his throat and changed the subject quickly "So how were all your appointments today?" he started moving down the hall taking their conversation toward the parking lot.

"Good, I met with the counselor and he was great caught up on my file quickly, my OB is wonderful she really seems great, very positive about progress of the baby and said we can come in later this week for an ultrasound if we want…"

Jay jumped in turning her toward him as he interrupted "really later this week! We could see him this week?"

"Yeah she told me to just call in tomorrow to set up an appointment if we want. She said based on my tests and weight gain everything looks normal so far."

Jay pulled her into a hug catching her off guard at how close he was to her suddenly, He moved back quickly when he felt her stiffen "Sorry, I'm just so happy we have a healthy baby in there."

She smiled and pulled him silently into another hug "me too"

They walked in silence to the car before she dared to speak again. "I was wondering could I borrow your car tomorrow. I found a few studios that I want to check out, there not much but I should be able to afford it until I get a position somewhere."

"Yeah but um… hear me out" He turned to her and she could see caring and desperation in his eyes "I've been thinking a lot for the last three weeks about our situation and what I can do as this kids father…" he swallowed and grabbed her hand, she had never felt his hand tremble before not in two years of being his partner "I want you to live with me, I have the spare room and I mean you will need backup when the baby comes anyway… so what do you think?"

"I don't know Jay…" he glanced down, she paused and then continued her thoughts "Are we really ready for that, I mean you can't even handle me talking about getting a sponsor. Could you really handle living with a junkie, let alone one who is having your baby?"

"Erin, I will do anything for you and this baby. I want to be there every day see every little moment of his or her life, be a real dad. I know you have a lot to deal with but if I can make even one part a little simpler for you I want to do that, for you and our baby."

Her heart melted a little hearing him talk about being a father, she saw her Jay in that moment the one who dreamed of the future while lying in bed on Sunday mornings and tried to convince her that northern Wisconsin was the perfect place to retire. "You're sure it won't be too weird, us living together after everything? I mean… you know?"

He dropped her hand as he spoke again "I will be the perfect roommate, nothing weird, total gentleman… come on what do you say? Let me do this for you, and my kid."

Her heart fell a little at his assurances but she knew it had to be this way, for now at least. "Okay, roommates it is."

"Thank you Erin."

 **Thanks for all the reviews and comments, this is my first story so I really appreciate all the feedback.**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

A few days later after work and another round of therapy sessions Jay and Erin headed over to the storage yard to pick up her car and belongings. It had only been a few days but they already seemed to be finding their new normal as roommates.

Erin held her breath as she approached her car, she couldn't remember most of the time she spent packing things in her car and wondered what she and Jay were going to find when they opened the trunk. "Here it is…" she barely recognized the black jeep that she got a mere weeks before packing it full of her life and leaving it where they were currently standing. "…this place is a little sketchy but at least it's in one piece."

"Let's get this bad boy home and you officially moved in huh?" Jay's excitement was dripping off him. She couldn't remember ever seeing him like this, like his whole world was falling into place. She wondered if there was something else contributing to his mood, surely it could all be because of her moving in.

She unlocked the car, hopped in and hoped that she had left it with at least a gallon of gas in the tank. "Here goes nothing" she muttered under her breath. "Hey, today is day one of the rest of your life…" Jay put his hand on her shoulder "…you got this." She exhaled hoping for the best putting on a brave face.

…

By the time she pulled up to the apartment Jay was already leaning against the back of his car saving her a spot right out front. She hopped out and he joined her at the trunk. "Now for the real work." she popped the trunk and inspected the bags and boxes shoved into every inch of space. She pulled at a duffle bag and almost instantly had Jays hands on hers pulling her back.

"I don't think so, that one looks especially heavy… why don't you grab that one." He motioned to the small case in the corner.

"I think I can manage."

He gave her a look "Your pregnant, I can get the heavy stuff."

"Pregnant doesn't mean disabled last time I checked."

His eyes softened at her statement and then flipped with determination "I know that Erin, but like it or not you are 23 weeks along and that means that you shouldn't be lifting and carrying heavy things…" he paused "Please just let me do this."

"Okay, okay… I'll grab the little stuff." She moved for the case he motioned to a moment ago "But don't be complaining to me when your back hurts from carrying all this by yourself."

…

It took eight trips and only a few more pointed words for Jay to keep Erin from carrying the boxes up the three flights of stairs.

Erin was now alone in 'Her' room, she still felt weird calling it that, the grey walls were bare and the comforter thin but at least she now had some of her things to help it feel more like her space. She was still apprehensive about this living situation but considering Jay had been out of the loop for almost half of the pregnancy living with him for the time being was really the least she could do.

Her cloths were finally unpacked into the dresser and closet and she was starting to peak in the boxes to see what items she had decided to save.

The first box was mostly books and knickknacks. The second was a hodge-podge of jewelry, keepsakes, and Candles. The second she lifted the lid of the third she saw her face in countless photos.

Erin sunk to the floor as she sifted through the photos. Jay had been lingering in the door way watching her slowly move around the room with books and frames when she paused and sunk to the floor. He edged closer to her hearing her sniff.

"Erin?"

She jumped and quickly turned while dropping the photos in the box "Oh… hi" He was closer then she expected him to be.

He slid down next to her on the floor "I miss her too" His blue eyes sparkled with moisture

"I think about her all the time" she sniffed again and stared at the floor.

"I know, every morning I think she will run up those stairs running late from class to shift. I kills me when she isn't there at the end of a case."

Erin couldn't hold back the tears any longer, she tried to hide her face but Jay moved a finger under her chin and positioned her toward him. "Hey… it's okay to miss her… and to cry." She watched a single tear escape the corner of his eye. Without even thinking she lifted her hand and swiped the tear away, instantly she pulled back and away from him. He looked over at the boxes and grabbed a picture, "I always loved this one."

He slipped a photo of the two of them and Nadia into her hands. Her breath hitched "That was a great day…" she smiled remembering the day the three of them had spent painting Nadia's old room and how they had ended up covered in paint splotches rolling in laughter on the floor. "She knew about us ya know."

"Really? How… we were so careful."

She smiled, "She knew a lot more than most people realized, probably figured it out the first night I didn't come home. Said she had never seen you smile like that before."

A grin formed on his face remembering those weeks last winter. "She's probably right." He glanced down at the photo again, "Ya know I think this deserves to be framed."

Erin felt warmth spread though her heart "Agreed."

 **Thanks for all the reviews and encouragement, keep letting me know your thoughts.**


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

"About time Jay, we're going to be late" Jay was finally coming out the front doors of the district, he looked up from his phone to see Erin leaning up against her SUV waiting anxiously for him.

"Sorry Voight caught me as I was coming down the stairs" He saw her eyes dart around the area at the mention of her pseudo-fathers name. "Come on let's go" she snapped out of her trance as he passed her.

"Okay, right."

The car was filled with silence as they made their way to the hospital Jay glanced over at her multiple times as she drove wondering what was going through her head. She finally spoke as they pulled into a space in the parking structure. "I'm scared to tell him…" she paused as she turned to look fully at him "I broke his rules, fell back into old habits, quit, and ran away… I'm just scared of what he will say, and that look on his face he gets that says even more."

"Hey, I'll be there right next to you if you want. I honestly think he just wants to know you are safe and doing better."

"Maybe…" she locked eyes with him for a second and hopped out of the car heading straight for the door. He sighed and a second later followed her. By the time he caught up with her she was already signing in at the desk. "Hi yes, Erin Lindsay. I'm here for an ultrasound with Dr. Manning."

"Wait Dr. Manning?" Jay stuttered flustered, Erin turned on her heal with a questioning look.

"Yeah why?" Jay was about to reply when his name was shouted from across the lobby and his older brother came strolling over. "JAY! What are you doing here, got a case or…" Jay noticed Will glace at Erin as he suddenly stopped speaking. "… Erin, wow I haven't seen you in while." Will ducked in to hug Erin while giving Jay questioning eyes. "Actually Jay was just giving me a ride, such a gentleman this one." Erin stumbled through her response and Jay noticed the deep blush settling in on the sides of Erin's face telling him to play along with her story.

"Yeah… you know a partner's job never ends." Will turned his whole attention toward Jay and he saw Erin give him a look that was part thank you and part sorry. "I'll catch you later bro, Blackhawks are playing this week?" Jay jumped in before Will could even form a question.

"Sure, I'll make some calls see what tickets I can find." He glanced over his shoulder at Erin, "I'll see you later. " Will patted him on the back and disappeared just as quickly as he had arrived.

"So…" Erin was about to speak when the nurse came back out "Ms. Lindsay, Dr. Manning will be out in a few minutes to get you, you can grab a seat in the waiting room until then."

"Thanks so much." Erin turned motioning for Jay to follow her to a group of seats. "So that was strange, right?" Jay simply nodded not sure exactly how to respond. "Sorry if that was weird but… I wasn't sure what he knew or what you were ready to say yet."

"Erin, I haven't told him anything yet but I'm going to have to soon…" he paused weighing his next statement carefully "Dr. Natalie Manning… she and Will are… friends… and I won't put her in the positon of having to lie to him."

Erin stared at him for a few seconds, He suddenly got worried she would bolt for the door until she settled back in her chair. "Well, I guess this will be like a trial run telling someone about this whole thing." She rubbed her stomach at the mention of their situation.

"Okay, sounds like a plan."

They waited in the lobby for just a few more minutes until Natalie walked in and called Erin's name. When they both got up she noticed Jay and greeted them both as they walked the short way down the hall to the exam room. "Jay, Nice to see you. Didn't know you knew Erin."

Erin jumped in "Dr. Manning, Jay is actually the guy I was telling you about on Monday." Jay suddenly felt strange realizing that Erin had been talking about him.

"Okay, well DAD I'm glad you could be here today." Natalie gave him the biggest smile and guided them into the room. The appointment moved quickly and before they knew it the ultrasound machine was pulled out and Natalie was pulling up Erin's gown to squeeze gel on her abdomen. Jay's nerves were so high he could feel his heartbeat in his elbows, Erin must have sensed his slight panic because she reached for his hand and held tight as Natalie rubbed the sensor around on her belly.

"Hey, we're okay." She whispered him in assurance.

"Okay mom and dad are you ready to hear the heartbeat?" Jay's eyes jumped to Natalie's face as she spoke he quickly glanced over to Erin and replied "Yes… Yes we are." The pounding sound of a heartbeat come over the monitor in time with his own. He couldn't suppress his grin as he heard the 'Bum, bum" repeat over and over again.

"Everything looks great, baby is a little small but we shouldn't worry about that too much at this point." Natalie pushed a few buttons on the ultrasound machine and then started to wipe the jell off Erin's stomach. "Would you guys like more than one copy of the ultrasound photo?"

Jay spoke up first "Yeah can we have two?" he turned to look at Erin "One for us and one for Voight?" Erin smiled and simply responded with a quiet "Yeah"

Thanks so much everyone for the reviews and comments, please keep letting me know your thoughts.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Jay, Erin, and Natalie walked back to the reception desk "Erin because of your medical history I would like to see you every two weeks for the remainder of your pregnancy, and I want to change the prenatal vitamins you are on to help with the baby's development and weight gain."

Erin was nodding along with everything Natalie said "Thank you so much" Erin took the prescription and hopped over to the desk to set up her appointments, Jay hadn't seen her this light since last spring. "Thanks Nat" Jay started to turn to follow Erin when Natalie's hand grabbed on to Jays elbow.

"Jay, look I don't know you that well yet but I do know enough to know that when Erin disappeared you were torn apart." Natalie had worry in her eyes as she spoke almost like his mother used to have.

"I appreciate your concern Nat but I have to be there for her and the baby, I can't hold her at a distance and have her disappear again into that life… not now after everything she… we have been through."

Natalie softened and smiled "You Halstead boys always swooping into save the day. I hope Erin knows how lucky she is… when you're in our situation having a great shoulder to lean on is better than anything."

"How are you doing Nat?"

"It's hard with Jeff being gone never getting to know his child, having Will and Maggie around helps but it's not the same. Erin is lucky to have you… in more ways than one." Nat looked a little lost not sure exactly what to say next.

Jay stayed silent for a second "About Will… I haven't exactly told him anything yet." Nat met his eyes "I mean… About the baby, and me being the father." He saw a flash of hurt and anger in her that only another new parent would understand. He instantly saw her thinking he was ashamed or wanting to back out. "I mean It has just been crazy, Erin coming back with this huge news and then getting her settled. It's just been a lot…"

"I get it Jay, believe me I understand not being ready to tell people because it will make a tough situation more real. Just don't wait too long, I'm good at keeping secrets but eventually Will is gonna figure it out and I don't want to be on the wrong side of that secret when it comes to the surface."

Jay smiled at her bluntness seeing what his brother saw in her "I'll tell him this week, I promise"

"Good" Nat turned away without so much as a single goodbye. Jay watched her disappear around the corner for a second before turning to go find Erin. He felt suddenly so exposed with Natalie now knowing his secret… their secret. He wondered if this is what Erin felt like every day at her meetings telling perfect strangers about her darkest days and having to relive them over and over in hopes of recovering and moving past it.

Jay finally found Erin sitting on a bench by the door they came in not only an hour ago looking over some of the information Dr. Manning had given them. He paused and watched her, so content not realizing that for the second time in a month she had changed his entire prospective on the world around them.

Finally he moved closer "You ready to head home"

"Home? Oh… yeah let's head back to the apartment…" He knew it would be some time before she thought of his place as her home too but he hoped that day would come sooner rather than later.

Jay followed Erin out the doors and back toward the car "That was pretty amazing huh? Hearing the heart beat?"

"Yeah…" Erin's hand seemed to instinctively move to her stomach in a motherly protective hold "I just hope he stays healthy" she finished almost at a whisper. Jay wasn't sure if he was supposed to have heard her so he just placed his hand on her upper back and steered her toward the Jeep.

 **I really appreciate all your comments and reviews, it has been fun writing this so far and don't worry I have a lot more planned. Please keep letting me know you thoughts.**


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Erin was exhausted, she hadn't slept well at all considering the almost constant kicking baby Halstead had kept her awake half the night with. She was now running late for her meetings and the plans she had for her day could all be thrown into chaos if she didn't stay on schedule.

She slid through the door quietly and joined the back of the group, 'oh good, looks like things just got started' she thought to herself. James was in the front sharing his thoughts meaning the floor hadn't been opened for others to start sharing yet. Her nerves were starting to get the best of her, she had told her self over the weekend that she would try to speak today but now she wasn't so sure she could. Her hand fiddled with the chip in her pocket and she breathed deeply to keep the anxiety from taking over.

A middle aged women two seats over leaned in and whispered "You must be Erin, James was hoping you would be here today so we could meet, I'm Meredith." She offered her hand to Erin who slowly accepted it a little hesitant to take her attention off her breathing.

The next moment James was asking if anyone had anything to share that day and Meredith rose to her feet and made her way to the front. "Hello everyone, I'm Meredith and I'm and addict" there was a rumble of hellos back and she continued. As she began to share her story of drug addiction Erin felt her nerves calm and found herself being sucked into Meredith's life narrative. She spoke of her early addiction and rehabilitation during her teen years and the loss of her first child during a terrible car accident, how she had fallen into a dark place after that loss and found herself tripping into old patterns losing her husband, family, and friends as drugs became the most important thing in her life. How it was a homeless child that helped to make her see the joy in life again and her slow but hard fought road to recovery bringing her to this point… 15 years sober next week.

Erin couldn't help but wonder how this women could have suffered so greatly and yet come back and become the calm and cool person before her. She became lost in her thoughts and missed the next five people who got up to share.

Next thing she knew the meeting was ending and Meredith and James were at her side. "Erin, I am so glad you made it this morning." James was smiling at her with a wide grin.

"Yeah, sorry for being late. This little guy kept me up most of the night." She rubbed her growing bump as she spoke of the child inside her.

"Late or early we are just happy to have you here. I want you to meet Meredith, based on your history I thought you two should talk maybe see if you're a good match." James paused to see how the first moments of their interaction would play out.

"It's so wonderful to meet you Meredith. You have quite a way with words, I was so moved by your story." Erin sheepishly complemented her while continuing to shake her hand.

"Pleasure to meet you as well Erin, James has told me a little about you but I would love to learn more if you have the time." Erin quickly nodded feeling so at ease around Meredith as if she had known her for longer than just a few minutes.

They bid James goodbye and made their way to the community center coffee shop to chat. Erin found it easy to share with Meredith her past and current struggles, her story seemed to just roll out of her mouth like it never had before with a person she had just met. Meredith asked simple yet deep questions and provided more detail about herself and her struggles when necessary. They had spoken for about an hour when Meredith finally brought up the baby "So how far along are you?"

"Around 24 weeks, it's still amazing to me that my pregnancy is over half way through."

Meredith smiled the sad smile of a mother "How are you handling all the changes? It can't be easy working on recovery while also adjusting to becoming a mother."

Erin placed her had on the top of her stomach feeling the baby shift beneath her hand as if the little one knew she was talking about him. "It's been hard, but having Jay around this past week has actually helped a lot. Just knowing that someone is there makes me feel stronger."

"Jay is the father, your old partner, and your new roommate right?" Meredith asked clarifying.

"Yes he is, I know it not a good idea to start relationships so early in recovery but it's not like that… he's my friend and…"

Meredith held up her hand to Erin cutting her off "Erin you are not a typical addict going through recovery, the fact that you have a child changes the game for you. What I am worried about is how you feel about becoming a mother. Based on your past and what you have told me about your own mother it would be completely understandable for you to be nervous or scared."

"Oh…" Erin was shocked that Meredith was so forward with her assessment of her past and feelings "Yeah, I am scared I mean it's not like I was given a great example of how to be a mother growing up… what if I am horrible at it and screw up my kids life before it even starts."

Meredith smiled and reached to grab ahold of Erin's hand "Erin don't worry so much about years from now, remember what we learn in recovery take everything one day at a time."

"Thanks… I… this may sound strange but I feel like I've known you for years. Honestly I don't even know how to explain it."

"Erin I actually completely understand, I had the same feeling with my first sponsor. I know you have been through a lot and that you had a sponsor years ago but if you are willing to let me in and be there to help you when the struggles seem too great I would love to be your sponsor and help you as you continue your recovery." Meredith seemed so genuine and caring, almost like the mother Erin had only just started to know in Camille before she passed.

Erin smiled at the older woman "I would like that a lot too."

 **Thank you everyone for reading, your comments and motivation have been so great. Let me know your thoughts on this chapter.**


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Erin was in high spirits after her morning therapy session, NA meeting and conversation with Meredith. She felt like everything was falling into place after so many months of feeling on edge and out of control. Meredith had encouraged her to use her new found strength to go and speak to Voight.

Erin had texted Jay to see if they were busy with a case, he responded quickly that they were having a slow day and catching up on paperwork. She put her car in drive and drove straight to the district before she could talk herself out of going through with her plan. Next thing she knew she was parked and walking into District 21 again.

Things were quiet as she quickly walked up to Sargent Platt at the desk to get buzzed up "Oh Erin, I am so glad to see you back."

"Thanks Sarg, Do you think you could buzz me up? I need to see Hank."

Platte smiled "Of course, don't be a stranger Erin."

Erin moved toward the gate and up the stairs before even thinking about who she would run into at the top of the stairs. Her presence at the top of the stairs pulled the attention of the entire bullpen, she suddenly realized her rather form fitting long sleeve shirt was showing off her 24 week pregnant belly and that the looks of the guy's faces were painted in shock and confusion.

"Oh hi…" Erin stuttered and paused as she saw Jay and a mystery woman walking out of the break room coffee in hand. "Erin, Hey you're here!" Jay's words breathy and rushed as he moved over toward her. Erin's eyes were locked on the woman now moving toward her old desk taking a seat like she belonged. Jay noticed the direction of her gaze and steered her over toward her old desk. "Erin this is Sarah, she is on special assignment from Intelligence in St. Louis. Sarah this is Erin."

Sarah looked so happy to meet her jumping up from her chair "Oh Erin, It is so nice to finally meet you. The guys have told me so much about you" Erin was at a loss for words and lucky for her Hank had stepped out of his office to see what was causing his team to be distracted "Erin." Her attention snapped in his direction and she momentarily lost her resolve to be here. Jay placed his hand on her back and pushed her forward as if he could read her thoughts.

"Hank I… can I have a minute." She got out barely above a whisper. Hank gestured for her to follow him and she glanced at Jay catching a reassuring smile before following him.

…

The door closed and Jay felt all the eyes in the room fall on him. He turned back to his desk trying to ignore them all. Ruzek spoke first "Dude, what was that?"

"Erin is back in town." He said without glancing up from the open file on his desk.

Atwater spoke up next "Yeah but bro, a baby when did that happen?"

Antonio chimed in "Guys give her time, I'm sure she will share everything when she is ready."

Jay was thankful for the older detectives help "Exactly, give her time she will open up when she is ready. It's enough that she is back and talking to Voight again."

Ruzek didn't seem to be accepting this as the end of the conversation but Al quickly called their attention back to finishing paperwork and Jay got a reassuring smile from Sarah, she knew how Erin's disappearance had affected him and had seen his change of heart over the last month now guessing it had something to do with the scene that had just taken place in the bullpen.

…

Erin stood in front of the closed door just inside Hanks office not sure what to do next.

"So Kid, You're back." Hank wasn't letting any crack of emotion break through his controlled expression. She wasn't sure if it was a question or a statement.

"Hank… I'm…" her voice faltered "I'm so sorry." She had told herself she would be strong but the tears started flowing despite her protests. "I screwed up and I ran away and I am so sorry."

Hank moved over to her and wrapped her in his arms as she continued to cry. He held her until her sobs slowed and then moved her over to the chairs in front of his desk. "Erin tell me what happened."

Erin started stuttering though everything that has happened in her life since Nadia's death. She spoke of her mother and Landon pushing shots and pills her way making her think that just once wouldn't get her hooked but would help her deal with the pain and loss of her friend. How she slid into the old habits so easily she didn't even see it as a problem at first. She teared up again as she spoke of the day she turned in her badge and how the next few weeks were a blur, and how she was terrified when she discovered she was pregnant not sure what to do next. The whirlwind of change as she sold her place and checked into rehab trying so hard to be strong for her baby.

"I didn't even know Jay was the father until the doctor at the center told me how far along I was. I came back to tell him on my twelfth week day pass, he was so cold at first that I almost chickened out and ran away again to start over somewhere else. But he has been so supportive and helpful though all of this, I know you probably don't like that we slipped and now have a baby on the way."

"Erin all I care about is that you are getting better and that you have support around you when you need it." Hank held her hand between his so glad to have her back and to have her being so open with him about the last few months. "What are your plans now?"

"Well I have been going to therapy and meetings. I matched with a sponsor today who is absolutely wonderful, she is actually the reason I came in today."

Hank shifted closer "That's great Erin, how about living arrangements? You know you can always move back in to your old bedroom, I would love to have you."

"Thanks Hank… but I actually… I moved into Jay's spare room. He deserves to be a part of the rest of this pregnancy."

Concern crossed his face "Are you sure that's a smart plan to jump into a relationship so quickly?"

"It's not like that, we are just roommates who happen to be having a baby together. Besides after everything I really doubt he thinks of me that way anymore." Hank glanced up seeing Jay peering at the closed office door, the realization hit him that both of them were under that same false understanding.

"Okay, but always know that you have a home to come back to." Erin smiled and leaned in for a strong hug from the only man she ever really knew as a father.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

The last week had been so wonderful for the new roommates, Jay felt like he and Erin were finally starting to settle into a rhythm. In the morning they easily moved around each other in the bathroom and kitchen, and at night they would talk about their day during dinner and settle on the couch to watch a game or movie. He was pleased she was finally starting to seem at home in their apartment.

Will waved his hand in front of Jays face to draw his attention back to the hockey game happening just rows away from them. "Jay you there, I've been talking for like five minutes and you haven't even heard a word I have said"

"Sorry bro, what were you saying?" Jay tried to focus on his brother and the game.

"Dude seriously you have been distracted since we arrived, what is going on with you?" Will was starting to look concerned, clearly thinking that Jay was hiding something awful.

Jay opened his mouth but no words came out, he wasn't sure what to say or even how to start. Will spoke up again after another minute of silence from Jay "You're not going back to the war are you?"

"No, no, no… nothing like that. I… well…" Jay still couldn't find the right words and Wills was beginning to look both freaked out and confused. "Will you know how you saw me at the hospital last week?"

"Yeah with Erin." Will wasn't putting the pieces together like Jay kind of hoped he would.

"Well she came back a few weeks ago on a day pass from her rehab program to talk to me and she had some pretty big news to share." Jay was staring down at his beer as he choose his words carefully.

"Okay…" Will surely wasn't going to make it so Jay didn't have to say it.

"She's pregnant… and I'm, well I'm… the father" Jay looked up and met Will's eyes.

Will looked almost dumbfounded at Jay's last words. Jay lifted his plastic beer glass to his lips to give Will a second to put his response together. Will finally spoke just as everyone around them went wild over a near impossible score. "I kinda thought she looked pregnant when I saw you last week at the hospital but I figured it was something that happened while she was gone."

"She was in rehab and grief therapy, the baby is actually what got her to start digging her way out." Jay wasn't sure what all to share about Erin's recovery.

"Wow man… a father. That is so… wow." Will still seemed shocked. Jay peeked over at him and noticed will wringing his hands.

"What is it Will, trust me nothing you could say would surprise me after this last month." Jay sure hoped that it was true suddenly scared will would question Erin's story or her abilities.

"It's just… be careful man. I know you have strong feelings for her and I don't want you to get hurt again." Jay felt his face and neck turning a little pink Will and he hadn't talked much about his feelings for Erin or how much he struggled when she disappeared but he knew that his brother had noticed changes and had worried about him. "I don't want you to invest everything in a relationship with her and have it end badly again." Will was looking straight at Jay this time.

Jay swallowed and finally met his older brothers eyes "Nat said the same thing" Will didn't look too surprised at his confession that Nat new first "She's Erin's doctor, I didn't mean for her to know first it just kind of happened."

"She is right though, you need to consider the end game here. How will you feel someday if this ends and you are JUST her child's father?" Jay could feel Wills genuine concern "Be careful is all I'm saying, don't get to close to fast."

Jay laughed a little "Don't worry I don't think she wants that at all, I think she basically just thinks of me as a roommate who she happens to be having a kid with."

"Wait she moved in with you?" Will was a little flabbergasted at Jay's last omission.

Jay once again felt his face get warm "Yeah well she kind of sold her place in the summer and needed a place to stay… and I mean I have already missed so much of the pregnancy already I want to be there for as much of the rest as possible."

Will stared at him for a long while looking lost in thought and finally spoke as the period ended and the players were filing off the ice. "You're a good man, and you're going to be a great dad… much better than Dad ever was."

"Thanks Will, that means a lot."

Will laughed and gave Jay the signature Halstead smirk "Just think with your actual head from now on, we all know how Erin makes you act a little crazy at times."

Thank you all for your reviews and comments, I have some more chapters almost ready and I can not wait to hear your continued thoughts.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Erin pulled the last shirt from the basket and started to fold it as she heard the front door open. "Erin are you here?"

"Back here, in my room."

She heard Jay move through the apartment and soon he appeared in the bedroom door "Hey… Is that my shirt?" His eyes on the piece of clothing in her hands.

"Yeah… I noticed you had a full hamper so I figured I would get both our laundry done." She shrugged hoping he wouldn't make a big deal out of this simple gesture.

"Thanks Erin, I have been meaning to do that all week but this case was a little intense." She could see the exhaustion lingering in the back of his eyes.

"Don't mention it, you have been doing so much for me the last couple of weeks it's only fair I help out a little around here when you are busy with work."

Jay placed his hand on her shoulder and smiled "Well I still appreciate it" He lifted the stack of cloths off her bed and moved to put them away in his room.

…

Jay was busy in the kitchen putting a meal together as Erin walked in to the apartment. "Oh something smells soooo good in here!" she called out from the hall as she hung her coat up. She moved into the entrance of the kitchen and noticed the many bowls filled with food on the counter. "Wow… you went all out."

Jay responded without even looking up from the stove "Still doubting my skills in the kitchen I see."

"No nothing like that, just we usually eat takeout so I'm just surprised." She moved over toward the counter and was peering at the salad and fruit bowls.

Jay finally looked up from the pan on the stove and caught Erin's gaze "Yeah well I was reading one of those pamphlets Natalie gave us about the nutrition needed for healthy in womb development and I thought we eat enough crap most nights that it would be good to have a solid meal as often as possible."

Her heart warmed a little at his words, he went back to cooking and she watched how he took such care adding each ingredient. "I can't believe you read it all."

Jay glanced up at her again and she saw caring flicker over and over in his eyes "Of course I would, I have a lot to learn in the next 15 weeks."

She smiled and opened the cabinet to grab dishes for the table "You are going to be a great dad, don't worry about being perfect."

…

Erin and Jay had only been living as roommates for a couple weeks but the way they moved around each other at home was so effortless, Jay couldn't believe how easy they fit together. They were both lounging on the couch at the end of a very long week, Erin reading a book and Jay flipping through the channels trying to find something to watch. He glanced over at her on the other end of the couch and thought back to last winter when he would have given anything to have this calm with her.

Erin shifted trying to sit up and stretch her back, Jay noticed that she seemed to do this a lot lately. "Is your back okay? Is the baby causing you any pain?"

Erin looked up confused not aware that Jay had been watching her. "Little guy is just kicking a lot, makes it a little hard to get comfortable." She tried to kneed her fingers into her lower back while she continued to stretch.

"Here let me help you…" He shifted around in his seat turning his attention fully toward her and started to rub circles on her lower back with his thumbs. The longer he continued the further she relaxed and her head fell forward. "This helping at all?"

"Umm Hmm…" her relaxed state was causing her to slowly lean back into him resting the back of her shoulders against his body. Her proximity made the hairs on the back of Jay's neck stand on end and he couldn't help but notice the sweet familiar smell of her shampoo lingering in her hair.

…

Erin was finally starting to feel like she was at home again with her room looking more like a real bedroom and not just a stark spare room in a Cops apartment. She has spent the better part of Sunday hanging photos and changing the linens with some new ones she found on clearance online. Jay popped his head in her door after his post run shower and found her looking at baby furniture online. "I like that one." He was pointing over her shoulder at the screen of her laptop at the dark brown crib she had clicked on just five minutes before.

"Me too… I just don't think $300 for a crib is really that practical." She was feeling a little defeated after an hour of checking websites she had discovered that her taste was a little extravagant when it came to baby furniture.

"Wow $300 really… I guess we still have a little time before we need to have something picked out." She saw his eyes grow a little at her statement but right after he reassured her not only with his words but also his clam demeanor. "I really like what you have done in here today, kind of reminds me of your room in your old place."

"Yeah… It's a work in progress but were getting there. I was thinking that over there I could put the crib and changing table." She pointed to the open wall on the far end of the room as she continued. "I mean once I finally find something that isn't super pricey and doesn't look like it came from the dollar store."

"I'm sure we will find just the right pieces, plus we can get a bassinet so when you need sleep we can move the baby into the main room or even my room."

She nodded along with him amazed at how much thought he had given to when the baby gets here. She couldn't help but feel a little sad that there had to be talk of his and hers rooms but she knew that this was the best for the baby and that is what mattered most. It had to be this way… at least for now… she hopped.


	14. Chapter 14

**Sorry for the long break, I am back with lots of ideas to continue this story. Please review and let me know your thoughts.**

Chapter 14

Today was Erin's first day on the job after months of being away… well kind of. Alvin had put in a good word for her with a contact in the dispatch office and she was starting her first 10 hour shift. She strolled into the central office 15 minutes before shift started. Erin was so nervous to be back to work she barely noticed the older woman giving her the stare down from the desk in the lobby.

"You must be Erin." She had such a stern look to her that in comparison Platt would be called perky.

"Ah… yes, I am here to work in the dispatch office."

"I know why you are here, Detective Olinsky's friend who needed… a favor." Her face got even more sour at her final words, she was giving Erin the once over taking in her simple outfit and pregnant belly.

"Do I need to sign in or something?" She was now wishing she had gotten more details from Al before coming in today.

"No just go on up, your supervisor will meet you up there." The woman turned away without another word ending the conversation, if that is what you could call it.

Erin turned to head through the doors to the stairs moving quickly hoping she didn't lose too much time on that horrible interaction. She reached the top and saw the dispatch center spread out before her. A balding man looked up and headed straight for her, he smiled and reminded her of Al in every way.

"Hello, you must be Erin, I'm Caleb your new supervisor."

Erin returned his smile and shook his hand "It's nice to meet you, Thank you so much for this opportunity."

"When Al said he needed a favor for an all-star detective of his I could turn him down. I'm always happy to have transfers especially when the alternative for you would be desk duty."

Erin swallowed and wondered what Al exactly had told Caleb about her situation, but she guessed that for now less detail could be good… for now at least. "So… where do we start?"

Caleb led her over to a bank of monitors and showed her how to work the system. "Your training officer this week with be Monica, she sits right over there and will be monitoring all your calls and interactions for the week to help you learn the systems and procedures." Caleb waved over a very quiet mousey looking woman. "Monica this is Detective Lindsay."

Erin shook her head and held out her hand "Please just call me Erin." Monica eyed her hand but finally responded and gave her the lightest handshake ever. "Monica Matthews"

"Now that you both have met, Monica can start your training. Let me know if you have any issues or questions."

The rest of the day passed slowly, Erin caught on quickly to the incoming call system but was having a harder time with the dispatch connections and kept having to ask Monica refresher questions. Her training officer was looking more and more annoyed with each question and passing hour. She could tell this relationship was going to be a little bit of a struggle.

After their break Monica finally started to seem a little friendlier and started asking Erin questions "So you are on loan from Intelligence, this department must seem like a drag after all that action."

Erin swallowed not sure of how much to reveal of her situation "Yeah… things move a little different over there but this is just as important." She smiled a little hoping to avoid further questions about work.

"Still it must be a rush working on all those intense cases, making a difference every day." Monica wasn't event looking at her but Erin could tell that this question had subtext.

"Yes but here a difference is made every time a responder makes it to the scene… you do that… and you are teaching me to do that too."

Monica looked up and had a little glint in her eye from a tear threatening to fall, "I want to hate you but you make it hard… We see detectives all the time come in for a few weeks but you actually understand it."

Erin smiled and turned back to her screen bank as a call came in.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

It had been a long shift at the dispatch center and Erin was exhausted, she had stopped off at the grocery store on the way home and now was wondering the isles trying to find the items off the grocery list she had taken from Jay that morning claiming he did too much already. It amazed her that she same guy who would eat terrible greasy food every day at work could be the same guy who insisted on almond milk, organic produce, and lean meats.

"Raw almond butter… what the hell is that." She muttered under her breath as she heard her name called and footsteps coming toward her. She looked up from the selection of spreads and saw Diego and Antonio quickly descending on her. "Diego, wow look at you! So grown up."

"Erin! Dad said you were back from vacation." He tackled her with a hug as he spoke so fast she almost didn't hear him.

"Diego, chill a little. You are going to knock her over." Antonio pulled his son back from her and made eye contact with her "how are things going Erin?"

Erin quickly told him about being in dispatch and how she was learning a lot. After a few more minutes of chit chat, Antonio sent Diego to pick out their ice cream and pizza.

"How are other things going?"

Erin swallowed "good…well okay really. I have an awesome sponsor and my therapy sessions are really good."

"And the baby?" Antonio slid right back into older brother mode. He used to treat her this way all the time it was nice to feel a little normal again.

"So far so good, I'm taking it one appointment at a time right now just hoping I didn't already screw it up." She looked down at her belly remembering hearing the heart beat with Jay.

Antonio pulled he into a hug "It's gonna be fine we are all here for you, and you are gonna be a great mom."

"Thanks."

…

A few nights later Jay walked into Mollys to meet the team. It had been a week full of rough cases and he need to blow off a little steam before heading home to Erin and his responsibilities. As he made his way through the door he saw the team sitting at their usual table in the corner, he missed the days where he and his partner… expartner would sit at the bar for hours chatting… he missed that.

"Jay finally you made it." Ruzek called from across the bar, all the guys were there including Mouse and Sarah. Jay made his way over and joined the table across from Antonio.

"Did I miss anything?"

"Mouse here was just telling us about his time as a ranger and the crazy pranks you guys used to pull." Sarah giggled clearly under the influence of a few sugary pink drinks already. They laughed and told stories from the past for a while having some drinks.

"Jay what's up with you?" Ruzek was giving Jay a serious look. Jay glanced around the table unsure "What do you mean?" he questioned.

"You have barely touched your drink… you know what I'm getting you a drink and a round of shots for the table."

"I'll help!" Sarah and Ruzek headed for the bar quickly followed by Atwater and Mouse claiming they needed fresh drinks also.

Jay laughed at his friends, Antonio suddenly spoke up "I ran into Erin a couple days ago, she seems to be good." Jay's eyes locked on his glass not sure what Antonio was going to say next. "How are you doing having her back?"

Jay glanced up a little shocked at the question "Its been crazy, and hard, and I am just trying to not mess up."

"Mess up… Jay what you are doing for her is incredible. Taking her in and supporting her having some guys baby when you clearly still have feelings her…" Jay cut Antonio off.

"Wait… what?"

"Yeah I mean I don't think anyone else knew but Nadia and I both picked up on it last winter. You both were so happy we knew something had to be up."

"Oh… I umm… didn't know you knew…" Jay was stammering trying to find the words.

"We did, but my point is you are an amazing friend," Jay cut him off again by putting his hand up. He glanced over toward the bar checking on the rest of the group laughing with Herman and Gabby

"Antonio… Erin's baby is… I mean we are… I'm the…" He paused to swallow and get control of his words, "I'm the father of the baby… I'm not some noble partner taking care of his partner who was left by a dead beat to raise a kid by herself… Erin is having our baby… I'm the father." He said the last words with care and a little force. He was so happy to finally be telling someone what has happening for real that he actually smiled at the thought of when they heard the heartbeat.

"Are you serious…" Jay heard Mouse's quiet voice over his shoulder and turned to see the rest of the unit staring at him. He swallowed unsure what to say, he glanced around looking at each of the shocked looks on their faces.

Antonio finally broke the awkward silence, "Congratulations Jay, Fatherhood is amazing and you are going to be a wonderful father."

Jay glanced around the room again as each of the unit moved forward in cheers and hugs ordering more drinks to toast the wonderful news. Mouse moved in slowly congratulating Jay as he eyed him checking that he was really okay just as Sarah leapt into Jays arms with a congrats hug.

She clung to him as she whispered into his ear "Congrats dad, see I told you… already spoken for."

 **Thanks for reading, I wanted to finally let the unit know the truth. Please review!**


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